Tonight, I ventured over to CVS to exchange an accidentally purchased bottle of regular tonic water for the actually needed, diet tonic water. 

YES, OBVIOUSLY FOR MULTIPLE, DIET-APPROPRIATE GIN & TONICS THAT I PLANNED ON CONSUMING IN BED.

They were out.

So, when my exchange became a return, I presented my receipt and bottle to the cashier. 

“I’d like to return this.  I needed diet and it looks like you’re out.” 

She takes the water, scans my receipt and proceeds to open the bottle in front of me.  She then looks me directly in the eye with the cap in her hand and says, “You opened this.”

I replied with the correct response, which was, ”No…you just did.”

She stared.  “Oh. Okay. That will be a dollar ninety-five.”

There was a long, awkward pause before I replied, “That you will be giving me….”